A Month Away

October 4th, 2010

Dear English Gentleman,

I’ve been dating my boyfriend for almost 1 and half years now. We were getting along fine, but once he went on a one month vacation, he isn’t paying as much attention to be as he did before. I confronted my feelings last night and asked why he’s acting this way. He said that he grew more mature through that one month and felt that he isn’t ready for a relationship. I am obviously still in love with him, but I’m not sure if it is mutual anymore. What should I do or say to him? He even says that he might regret breaking up with me. Is he playing with my emotions?


Dear Reader,

There’s good news and bad news I am afraid. The good news is that you confronted your boyfriend with your feelings and you know where you stand. The bad news is that your boyfriend seems not to want a relationship, although the reason he gives – he claims to have grown more mature through that month you were apart – sounds dubious to me. I suspect he simply lacks the maturity for a relationship at the current time. Rather than growing in maturity in that month apart I suspect he has simply come to terms with the fact that he’s not ready, or at least doesn’t feel ready for a relationship. After all, a more mature person would not have had to have been prompted by you to find out what was happening; a more mature boyfriend might have volunteered to tell his girlfriend what was going on. Is he playing with your emotions? I think that the answer is no, except when he says that he might regret breaking up with you. Saying that is definitely playing with your emotions, and I think points to a lack of maturity in you boyfriend. Either he should break up with you or not. He cannot expect to have his cake and eat it.

My advice is this: it looks like your boyfriend isn’t ready for a relationship although he appears to lack the maturity to say so. Don’t let him play with your emotions through his implication that he might (on his terms, one assumes) regret breaking up with you and thus, by implication, want a relationship with you. I think he’s made himself clear enough and I think that now is the time for you to move on.

Good luck.

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