August 27th, 2010

Dear English Gentleman,

My boyfriend broke up with me and now is seeing another girl who is not even half as pretty, smart, or awesome as me. How can I make him see that I’m much better than her and get my ex back?

Twice as Pretty.

Dear Twice as Pretty,

As ex-US president Jimmy Carter quite rightly pointed out, we have one life and one chance to make it count for something. Similarly we often have one chance at something within that life and it sounds to me that your ex-boyfriend has had his chance with you. I think we would be very optimistic to think that he might recognise qualities in you the second time around that he failed to recognise the first time around. I suspect that things are not really as simple as this, and that there are other scenarios which would have the same outcomes, and are to my mind more plausible. What I suspect has happened is that your ex-boyfriend has reached some sort of commitment threshold or ceiling beyond which he is afraid to venture. Thus he simply opted to move into what he perceives as a less committing relationship. I suspect that there are quite a few people out there who are comfortable with serial monogamistic relationships in which a certain level of commitment is attained, only for the relationship to be ended and started afresh with another partner.

My advice is this. There’s nothing to be gained by trying to get him back – even if you did then do you really want to live in fear of history repeating itself? Your ex-boyfriend has had his chance and now it’s time for someone better. It’s good you see yourself as pretty, smart and awesome, and why not? In the pool where you least expect it, there will be a better fish (rather, I mean a gentleman!).

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One response to “Excess”

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