Dear English Gentleman,

Is there a different “English Gentleman’s” rule to calling a girl after the first date? Or is it a true gentleman’s custom to wait the traditional three days?

Thanks,

Will

Dear Will,

Well, this is one rule that An English Gentleman is definitely suspicious of. In my opinion if dating is a serious endeavour (and why shouldn’t it be?) then is not a game to be played out according to some set of rules. Rules will get in the way of who you really are. It’s a matter of trusting your instincts and having a strong awareness of the other person. It’d be a sad day indeed if you lost your girl whilst you waited for three days to elapse, only to find out later on that she would have loved to have heard from you on day two!

Having said that, don’t call the same day / night, or you might seem overly anxious or even desperate. On the other hand, I wouldn’t wait longer than three days since then you might appear not to care. So I’d opt for one or two days, the former obviously indicating a stronger interest. In my opinion it’s also polite to say when you might call – and then stick to what you said. Perhaps a more important question is not when to make that first telephone call (remember that if she really likes you, she’ll be just as anxious waiting for your first call as you are about making it), rather it’s when to make that second call and subsequent telephone calls, and the frequency of calls thereafter. Remember that in a good relationship, both of you need your own space and time, and this needs to be respected – on both sides. A good rule of thumb is to avoid calling repeatedly in succession, since a good relationship also needs a sense of balance. I don’t mean that you must always strictly alternate calls, just that if you find that you have called her the last half-dozen times in a row then perhaps now is a good time to take a moment’s reflection and wait for her call you! She will.

To sum up Will, trust your instincts whilst being aware of what the other person wants. Good luck!