Dear English Gentleman,
I am a computer geek and work all day long at my company building their IT infrastructure. Most of my friends are geeks like me and our social lives consist mostly of playing with nerf guns at the server farm during idle work hours or huge networked shooter game tournaments with remote friends over the ‘net on the weekends.
As you can imagine, this lifestyle is not the most conducive to meeting girls, and I am tired of living the old college student, socially awkward nerd stereotype. I really want to make a change, but I’m not quite sure where to start (the ultimate goal, of course, being to meet the girl–geekette or not–of my dreams!). Do you have any ideas on how I should proceed?
Thanks,
Computer Geek
Dear Computer Geek,
I hope that you forgive me, but my first reaction is that I would be surprised if this sort of lifestyle were conducive to meeting anyone at all! I think that you need to unlock your real self. Now I think that one’s real self is somehow rather timeless – so I suspect this rules out nerf guns and server farms – I assume whatever they are, they are somewhat transient, to be replaced in a few years’ time by the next widgety-toy. Begin with that old stalwart: cooking. Please forgive me again if I am jumping to a stereotypical and erroneous conclusion, but I am picturing fast food and takeaways with remote friends. We all need to eat, so why not eat well? Cook for yourself; this will naturally progress to cooking for real non-remote friends. Enjoy whatever you create, the important point being that you created it. And don’t worry about taking cooking lessons or anything – you taught yourself how to use a nerf gun after all. Have you got a place – however small – which you can call your own? If you are sharing in an old college sort of way then think about moving out, in fact definitely move out! Try and get a place of your own, however small. A good rule of thumb is that you should have your own front door. Add some transport (of your own) – a bicycle perhaps – that’ll takes you places in the evening and at weekends. Randomise your life a little bit. Get yourself booked onto an evening class…I’d recommend fashion photography. Be brave and go by yourself – don’t be tempted to drag along one of your nerf-mates.
Unleash your real self and the next thing you know, you’ll be having non-fast food with non-remote friends. The woman of your dreams awaits you. Good luck.
May I add as a suggestion to our adorably helpless Computer Geek: take a Saturday to go clothes shopping. Abandon the usual IT person stereotypical attire of jeans, T-shirt, and sneakers. Keep the jeans, but change the T-shirt for a nice cotton shirt at a trendy men’s clothes store. Change the sneakers from your running shoes to either comfortable men’s shoes or a more trendy styled sneaker. You’re a smart person, so use your smarts to observe trendy people on the street around you, and copy their dress style.
Also, get a nice-smelling aftershave. Go easy on the dosage, though. The fragrance should be subtle, only perceptible by someone who is within a foot’s distance. Women love a sexy-smelling man!
Best of luck, Computer Geek!
And if I may add, when you do meet a girl, avoid trying to use your computer-related profession or hobbies as an ice-breaker: it won’t work!
Try to find out what she is interested in, and develop a conversation about her interests by asking open-ended questions and adding insights or witty comments to what she says if appropriate. Instant charm! Good luck to you, Computer Geek! Let us know how it turns out!
I disagree with all this well-meaning advice. What if geek computer guy wants to meet a fellow geek girl? Maybe Nerf guns is precisely what will attract her. I mean I know I like playing WoW (That’s World of Warcraft for you muggles) when I get home from work. Who’s to say he can’t meet her girl in the precise (non)social circles he already moves in?
Just sayin’.
I agree wholly with Techiegirl. Talkin’ Nerf guns and MMORPGS with a potential girlfriend is an excellent way to suss out a.) if they are actually a geek or are a poser, b.) if they aren’t a geek if they can handle your awesome geek-a-tude and accept you for who you are.
The one thing I hate about 99.9% of dating advice is that it ends up advising the person asking for help to change. Why the F (pardon my French) should Computer Geek need to adjust himself to find someone? He likes what he likes, he is who he is… surely there is someone out there who is compatible with him without him needing to overhaul his social life, per se.
The question I heard being asked in his letter was “WHERE can I meet geek girls IRL who might be potential girlfriends?”
Here’s my suggestion: Two words – Comic and Con. Comic Cons are great social gatherings of geeks of all sorts… including the fabled *geek grrls*… In fact, these days you’ll find geeky girls at Cons in droves. Comics, sci fi and horror aren’t just the boys game anymore. It’s a great place to meet some new peeps IRL and, furthermore, it’s a great place to replenish your own collections of whatever it is you collect (for me? Doctor Who comics.)
Other than that I’d suggest trying the old skool methods of going to a bar or going to events which interest you and will require social interaction to meet new people… Try MeetUp.com or Yelp to tune into social happenings in your town.
Or, if you’re really socially inept, you can try online dating or meeting new and random people via online social networking applications (seriously, my cousin just married a guy she met on Facebook).
Most of all: do not EVER let anyone tell you that being a geek isn’t cool or okay. Geeks rule the world, my friend… trust me, I know.
Best,
Kate
Editor – Geek Girl on the Street